Relation of Marriage - Love Marriage v/s Arranged Marriage

- Prof. Saran Ghai

Ususally at the time of marriages a funny discussion starts on the topic Love Marriages v/s Arranged Marriages. People have their own opinions in favour or against on both the systems. Those who were married under arranged marriage system would prefer arranged marriages whereas the others would favour love marriages. Sometimes things go the other way round. Those who were married as per love marriage system go against go against it and it happens in the same way with the arranged marriage system.

Choice could be any, but this discussion is always funny. This debate which is mostly the essential part of marriages, always ends in no result. As the marriage ceremony becomes over, the bride and the groom say bye-bye and sneak away for their honeymoon and the debaters leave the discussion unresolved and postpone it till the next marriage.

In schools and colleges too, if the topic of debate is love marriages v/s arranged marriages, how funny that discussion becomes. The opinions of debaters become hot topic of the day. But, for sure, the older generation always favours arranged marriages whereas the younger generation favours love marriages. You will also notice one thing in the older generation; whenever there comes the topic of love, they would touch their heart and say in a dramatic style, “ Had we have born in the current times, must have enjoyed the feeling of love.” On the other hand the new generation people favour love marriages but, their preference is for sure to marry as per the customs and traditions followed in the arranged marriages.

The big difference what I noticed between the two is that those who were married as per the love marriage system, enjoy eating ice cream before marriage whereas others who were married in the arranged married system enjoy eating ice cream after marriage.

Here you can ask a question – what marriage actually means?

Marriage is a system approved by the society under which the newlyweds get a license to live together and make family. But please do not ask me what about when two males or two females get a license of marriage. What kind of family they will make? What I can submit, they may enjoy their life the way they want to enjoy but as far as making babies and family is concerned, till date, it is a man and a woman business to make babies, their system has yet not been developed by science. They can live together, have fun of their choice but cannot make family. The situation could be different if the scientists find out a way and help them make babies, till then have fun.

Let us discuss the topic of marriage further. As I said before, marriage is the license to form a family. Now, if the marriage is a license, it can only be obtained through a system. As and when we discuss system, we discuss an arrangement. In that light in direct words marriage is an arrangement. May it be a so called love marriage or an arranged marriage, marriage is an arrangement.

Many a time people confuse that if it is court marriage, it is a love marriage. No, court marriage is also an arrangement. Context could be any, love or family marriage. May it be a marriage solemnized under the Hindu Vaidic system in front of a priest, a Sikh marriage in Gurudwara, a muslim marriage in front of a maulvi or Christian marriage in church, marriage is a marriage completed under a system. Only then it gets approval of the community. No system has yet taken place in which if two people are in love, are automatically married. So, in my opinion marriage is an arrangement and there is nothing like love marriage in the world.

Relation of Marriage

Relation of Marriage

- Prof. Saran Ghai

For long time me and my family was after my son to get married but he was not interested for marriage for his own reasons. Finally last year he agreed. My entire family went to India to find a suitable match for him. We saw a good number of girls and finally found a beautiful and well qualified girl most suitable for him. They also liked each other and finally they were married. After marriage my son stayed in India for about a month for honeymoon. After this he came back to Toronto. It took him about four months to get his wife to Canada from India owing to immigration procedure. These four months were his life changing months. The boy who was previously against the marriage system all of a sudden became fan of the marriage system. My daughter in law, in these four months of separate stay from her husband called here almost every day from India and used to request me that please immigrate me over there. This shows that it is not just the love marriages, arranged marriages are also equally successful. Anyway.

Finally she came here and our family was complete. In a month time I suggested my daughter-in-law to add some Canadian qualification so that she can get properly settled as soon as possible. But the couple was thinking about something else. They came to me with a proposal that they want to join my volunteer work which I had been doing since years.

Readers, for more than 25 years I have engaged myself in helping the marriageable as well as the older age group people finding their life partners. My son said that now he has understood what marriage is for. It is a heavenly experience. One must have a life partner. Both of them requested me to allow them to share my volunteer work. My daughter-in-law said that instead of doing a job she would like to carry the flag of my social work further although she is a highly qualified girl and is ready for any job of a higher responsibility.

I was overwhelmed with joy. I said that if you want to take up this volunteer work as your career, I have no point in saying no. We all decided to gear up this service as a task on a broader scale. In a month time they got their website ready and today www.rishtashaadi.com is becoming famous day by day. They spoke to all their friends, their families, our relatives and many others to sign up. Now we see everyday people are signing up, adding their profiles and the newly installed platform is ready to go.

This whole development multiplied to my enthusiasms. Just a year before, my family had a different life style. I myself, my wife, my son and my daughter, we all were leading a very common normal life. I mean going to work, come home, eat food and sleep. We were living a routine life. But since we have started this volunteer job on an enhanced scale, we are getting phone calls from different people who want to ask how can we help them find suitable matches for them own selves, their kids or other people known to them. Many come to see us, discuss with us. This has brought a drastic change in our life style and the whole environment is changed. It looks like my house has become a temple where people come to find their loved ones.

This changed scenario inspired me to start writing a new series of articles on ‘relations.’

Entire human society is breaking into pieces every second. Instead of thinking about one world, we most selfishly keep thinking about my country, my state, my city, my society, my community, my family and most of us have reached to the state of myself only. Like our scientists kept on breaking the matter into smaller pieces and reached a state of atom. Today that smallest peace has become a havoc in the shape of atom bomb. Similarly, we also have forgotten about togetherness and from one world we believe in one person and that is ourselves. That is reason why we are bound to live a life of loneliness. Man is a social animal, hence cannot live alone. He needs a society to live in. He needs relatives, he needs friends and he needs someone who loves him. That is the warmth of relationship.

We all are webbed with each other with some kind of relation. That relation could be social, financial or political. But, the fact is that we live in relations. I will try to live those relations in this new series of articles. Hope you will enjoy it.

There are some relations made by God and they are called blood relations. Also there are relations created by humans. If you sometime would want to ponder over like which is the best relation among all, I would say ‘marriage.’ The relation of marriage is the best among all. It is a relation of love and care. This relation brings two people together, brings two families together and brings all their respective together. Just think about it, how many people get to know each other when we tie a marriage relationship. Many known or unknown people become relatives and a new era of relationship gets a movement.

What a fabulous relation marriage is. A boy and girl, of two known/unknown families unite and create a new family.

May it be a love marriage or an arranged marriage, the motto is to make new families. The concept of love marriage is quite prominent in the modern era but statistics prove that so called Indian style arranged marriages have proved long lasting than the love marriages. I do not want to fall in this controversy but I would not fail to point out merits and demerits in every kind of relationships in this current series of articles.

While concluding for now, I would not fail to mention that if you or someone you know is in the process of finding a suitable life partner, do contact me. May be, I can be of any help.

-Prof. Saran Ghai